I wrote this after reading CPR's piece of the same title. Filipinas Magazine published this in 2006. I wrote this with the knowledge that my skin would remain brown, that to accept my weakness is the first step to being strong and that I must answer to myself the most.
I AM A FILIPINO
(with apologies to Carlos P Romulo)
I AM A FILIPINO, the embodiment of endless frustrations and inexhaustible hope, a personification of a never ending aspiration, of a spirit broken into million pieces yet unwilling to give up, an offspring of shame and futile struggles constantly seeking respect, a prisoner brutalized by enemies and abandoned by allies yet remains defiant with unwavering dignity and pride.
I AM A FILIPINO, the care-giver of the world, the worker who never complains, the wanted undocumented alien, the voiceless nanny with a golden heart, the construction worker who disregards safety and war that the family back home can have a better life. I am the doctor who became a nurse in search of fulfillment measured by house and cars, the teacher who ran away from school that I may teach the Prince's son for a princely sum, the soldier fighting in a foreign war for a foreign flag that I may posses the prized citizenship for my family and myself. I am a seeker of a better life- boundaries, latitudes, working conditions, language, religious intolerance and job description notwithstanding. I will do what needed to be done asking only for a chance to prove myself disregarding discrimination, loneliness and self pity, realizing that pride nourishes the ego but never one's physical needs.
I AM A FILIPINO, I abhor my government of leeches and thieves, nincompoops and clowns, liars and cheaters. Governance in my country is defined within competence and corruption, self service and self enrichment. My government leaders are visionless, deaf and uncaring. Changing leaders means from over-fed pigs to hungry pigs. Change has always been for the worse, never for the better. As a citizen, my government is my greatest shame, my ultimate frustration, my political damnation.
I AM A FILIPINO, I wowed the world with a string of beauties beyond compare, entertained with talents roaring from Broadway to Hollywood, boxed the lights out of champions and victoriously clashed with brilliant minds. I am gifted with grit and brains wanting for nourishment and development. I am willing and able to compete and prove my mettle. But my poverty chains me to the cellar of mediocrity and failure. So I stick with the superficial, to the endeavor that warrants nothing but a smile and a lot of skin exposure. Still the world applauds.
I AM A FILIPINO, inventor of "People Power," purveyor of bloodless revolutions, sucker for sweet promises of would-be-kings. I change Constitution with every dethroned despot and march on EDSA to get rid of a mistake. I have changed leaders without the benefit of a ballot, doing an about face three times after, realizing the folly of a quick fix and the wisdom of the rule of law. Still I keep the lessons never learned finding sound sleep at night always believing in the righteousness of what is loud and visible. Waking up as expected to the deeper hole I dug myself into.
I AM A FILIPINO, the Catholic whose rituals approximate paganism with beliefs literally crying out to the heavens. I self flagellate to the entertainment of tourists and voyeurs, begging for forgiveness and salvation trusting that the blood I shed will cleanse my soul and be worthy of God. I walk on my bended knees towards the altar hearing penitents pray for riches and forgiveness, ever so holy before the wooden cross, yet forgetting their abuse of servants and lesser mortals. Still I aim for divinity, a moral life and peace within.
I AM A FILIPINO, I long for heroes, heroes I can touch, heroes who will inspire, heroes who will lead, heroes who will live, heroes who will not die. I am tired of pretenders, of actors and actresses, of traditional politicians passed on from one corrupt generation to the other. I am tired of being resigned to dying without seeing the sun's glory over my beloved country, of being ridiculed and be the butt of jokes. How I wish I can stand with the rest of the world's people claiming freedom and equality as my birthright not something I have to die for! How I wish for prosperity, for a level field and the chance to compete, that even though I may not have a choice of my birth circumstance, I will have a choice of how I will live.
I AM A FILIPINO, skin brown as the earth, nose hardy as the mountains. I will refuse comparison with the whites, the blacks, the yellows and the reds. Neither will I compare my native tongue to languages foreign and unknown. My country is of the orient known for pearls from endless seas, of the sun majestic at dawn and dusk, of the ancient culture and civilization filled with awe and wonder. My country is of my dreams fleeting but not yielding, of my history both real and true and of my anonymous life, significant only to my forefathers and to those I will leave behind.
dan,mel&jim
"The greatest failure is that never attempted."
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